Bombs Away

Here is the exclusive transcript of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's meeting moments before he tried to catch two 500lb. bombs with his face...

Hello my minions. I am happy to say that things are going swimmingly with our terror projects. Sure, we've been going through a dry spell of sorts, but we have had some victories for our god! Just the other day we TP'ed a Hummer on the outskirts of Baghdad. Hah-hah, that will teach those dirty American's not to feed and clothe our countrymen. Yes, we will continue to neglect and destroy our own people in the name of our god...praise be to Allah!!!

Our fearless leader is hiding in caves, bravely leading our cause, while eating sand and desert rats. Such courage has not been known since...hey, what's that whistling noise? Is someone making tea?

-end transmission