They're Just Having a Good Time!

Recently Senator Barack Obama and "The Reverend" Al Sharpton came together before an assembly of the National Action Network to take care of some critical campaign business. Below is a transcript of a joint phone call made by the two men before the assembly:

Call is made with speakerphone turned on...

*Phone rings*

Caller: Hello.

Sharpton (in fake hillbilly accent): Yes, is this Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton?

Caller: Yes. Who is this, and how did you get this number?

Sharpton (still in fake hillbilly accent): This is Kentucky..........we want our accent back.

Both men laugh.

Caller: When I find out who this is I will cut your heart out with a rusty chainsaw and feed it to your children!

Phone call ended.

(Warning: This may or may not represent actual events.)

Capital of Crash, Smash, and All Other Things Destructive

Update: I must say, I have been profoundly humiliated by my misspelling of this topic's title. No matter how incorrectly I spelled "capitol" it doesn't mitigate the point I was trying to make. So feel free to make fun of my spelling while I'll maintain my right to make light of the horrors of driving in the Jackson area.

Men's Health magazine has an article surveying 100 cities to determine where the safest drivers are. Not to the surprise of any human being with eyes and a brain living in Jackson, MS, the survey lists Jackson as the 97th safest city to drive in. In other words, other scary cities like Detroit (#49) and Miami (#80) are safer places to drive than here.

Now I'm no genius, but I didn't need Men's Health and their fancy survey to figure this one out. All it took for me to see the truth was an instant increase in my monthly insurance premium when we moved down, the condition of the cars (and the roads... Moon rover, anyone?) all around me, and the police driving past wrecks instead of stopping to help in order know the truth.

So, if I live to see next year's top 100 cities list from Men's Health, I'll be interested to see if Jackson manages to move up or down the list. That, of course, is assuming I live until then. After all, driving down the street to my apartment is like playing a game of Russian Roulette....

My Friend, the Sell-Out

Ever have a friendship into which you poured your blood, sweat, and tears but without ever receiving anything in return? Ever know someone who you gave your heart and soul to but all they did was trample it down with their false words and deceitful ways? Have you ever invested your very life into another human being, and all that came from this relationship was heartache and turmoil?

Well, I haven't. But I do have a friend who is a total sell-out. That's right, you know who you are, Mr. "I already have a blog but I'm going to sneak around and stab you in the back with my trickery." You know who you are, you cunning little deviant blog harlot. I'm on to your razzle-dazzle double-dealin' fast shuffle. Go ahead, give your little "e-life" to another. It's ok, I can handle it. I still have my conscience because my heart is pure. How about yours, Señor Chicanery?

On another totally unrelated side note, Jack has a new blog! You can check it out here.

Rest in peace, my long lost friend............ *taps playing quietly in the background*