Kim Jong-who?

If you're wondering why crazy-haired North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il looks so vertiginous, it's because he never expected the world to lose interest in him so quickly. Apparently the attention-craved czar and closet Jacki Chan impersonator thought he could impress the nations with his ill-guided bottle rockets that made a "splash" in the Sea of Japan. But recent events in the Middle East, Malibu, and the Darbyville soapbox races snatched the spotlight off of him and the flaming cannonballs his military catapulted a whole 400 yards out to sea. Determined to make the world pay attention to him, Kim's next round of shenanigans include mixing baking soda with vinegar, holding his breath for three whole minutes, and bench pressing 190 pounds.

So keep an eye on Fox News, CNN, and PBS, because you never know what that crazy Kim Jong-il is going to do for attention next.

HP DV2000t and DV1000 comparison

Recently I upgraded laptops. My old laptop is an HP Pavilion DV1000, and I upgraded to HP's new DV2000t. I got a great deal on the new one and found a way to help someone out with the old one. I wasn't sure whether to go with the HP or one of Apple's new MacBooks, but in the end my long-running relationship in good standing with HP, coupled with the fact that I could get a whole lot more machine for a lot less money, made my decision for me. (Plus, 12 months no interest/no payments is pretty appealing.)...READ MORE (warning: lots of pictures).

UPDATE: Many of you must click "Read More" to see where you have commented.

The Wedding Countdown

Congratulations Jack and Sarah Lee for tying the knot!

Here's to you, Jack and Sarah, for your big day, adventurous honeymoon, and return to the land of goat milk, litter, and sweltering heat!

I pronounce you Jack and Sarah Lee.

The Colonel let me down. Again.

On my way to NJ, I stopped at an Alabama KFC for lunch. Feeling a little wild, I opted for the Buffalo Snacker meal. Let's just say it took a while. I actually got to see the hen lay the egg, the chick to hatch, it grow to maturity, it die and become marinated with Buffalo sauce. Yes, it took that long. The service was so "good" at the particular KFC that I almost forgot I wasn't in Jackson. At least the sandwich was good. I tried not to wonder how much sweat Bubba the cook managed to swab into the Buffalo sauce. No pit hairs either!

I must say my dinner stop faired much better. What a difference a couple of hundred miles makes. At a Northern Tennessee Taco Bell, I actually got my food before I even had time to get my soda. Here's the cool part... the Taco Bell shared space with Krystal so I got to pick whether I wanted Coke or Pepsi. Sweeeeet! I ain't no Jeff Gordon supportin' lowlife so I picked the Coke, of course. Pepsi, the choice of a lame generation...

I think I'm going to start following, gulp, hockey...

I hear all the time about how great hockey is. That's all some people can talk about. I mean, even though back home every person I know loves football, now I am exposed to a different demographic of sports fans. I went from knowing zero hockey fans to a whopping two, and boy do they make some GREAT points. I'm starting to finally give in to their reasoning and I find myself becoming more and more willing to embrace this unique sport.

How foolish I have been all these years following college football. I mean, now I come to think about it, it is pretty anticlimactic attending a football game at the OSU horseshoe. Watching a game with 104,000 other screaming fans really isn't all the exciting. And the team is pretty lame. I mean, they've only won a major BCS bowl championship three out of the last four years. The rivalry against the team up north is pretty boring too. I hate tradition! In the end, college football just isn't...Canadian enough for me.

I guess it's time to suck it up and embrace a real man's sport: Hockey. It will be like a true homecoming. Hockey, you and your low-scoring games with random and confusing substitutions and sell-out crowds that equal the south bleachers at the shoe on a good day, I am sorry for turning from you and loving college football instead. Will you ever forgive me?

Sorry, Jim. I've found something more exciting than your yearly placement in the nation's top teams and run for the national championship, or your almost perfect record against the maze and blue. I have found a new love. It's called hockey, and boy is it exciting.....

I think I'm going to start following College Football

I think I'm missing out on a lot. Seriously. All the guys at work sit around and brag about how good their respective teams are, and I have nothing to say. Obviously hockey is the greatest sport known to man, but I have no one to talk to about it. So I guess I'll bite the bullet and learn love college football. The problem is, I don't know who to pull for. All my friends went to the schools they pull for (surely), so they have it easy. I went to a no-name school so I'll have to do some soul-searching to find the right team. So, bloggers, who do you recommend? By the scoreboard on the picture, I know who NOT to pull for...

Fun With Google

For once I agree with Google.

Enjoy the screenshot.

Your comments are welcome.

Smoking Gun

I had the amazing good fortune of finding this old mugshot of Jack long before he cleaned up his act a few years ago. It seems that Jack was once arrested for software piracy and vandalism. He was ripping off copies of MS Office and trying to put them on his old Mac. He was also spray painting "Apple Forever" on the outer walls of the local Microsoft dealer in New Jersey. You'll notice that this mugshot predates Jack's nose job, and it was taken long before he was able to harness his bitterness.

I dedicate this picture to Sarah Lee. Nobody doesn't like her, especially big-nosed Jacko here.

(Just kidding about the whole "arrested" thing. Sorry Jack for all the slander.)

"Pass the deep-fried Cheez Whiz, please!"

Recently I watched an animated timeline showing the national trend of obesity presently plaguing the United States. The CDC released data showing how the number of states whose populations were at least 25% obese has steadily grown over the last several years. The animated map/timeline is pretty saddening; I suggest you watch it! It can be found here.

Anyway, I noticed that prior to 1997 no state had a population that was at least 25% obese. But guess what: Mississippi was the first to break that barrier! Looks like we Magnolia fatties enjoy our Krispy Kreme doughnuts and deep-fried chitlins a little more than everyone else in the country. It's actually pretty sad. Perhaps that's why the roads are so bad around here - we all weigh so much!

So in honor of this blubbery state that I call home, I thought I would post a couple pictures of myself. The first one is from my wedding day back in 2003. I was young and trim in those days. But now things are different, as you can see in the second picture, taken just last week. If you look closely enough you can actually see the effects that living in Mississippi has had on my physical condition. I know that you may not be able to detect it with the naked eye, but yes I have put on a few pounds here and there.

Post your comments and/or recipes. In the meantime, I've got some mini crullers that are simply calling my name...

Another NBA Rant

Young Knicks rip fired coach Brown


FOXSports.com
Posted: 3 hours ago

A quick glance at some of the New York newspapers indicates that at least some younger Knicks players were either unhappy, confused — or both — in their lone season under fired coach Larry Brown.

Brown and the players had been under a gag order while the Knicks' brass — namely chairman James Dolan and team president Isiah Thomas — worked out a pink-slip plan for the veteran coach.

The players, however, were free to speak with the news media from a recent summer league practice in Las Vegas.

Point guard Nate Robinson was one of three rookies whose floor time was varied to say the least.

"Coach Brown is so old-school," Robinson told the New York Post. "He wants everything done just like this, not getting the crowd involved. Isiah wants everyone to have fun.

"At first he (Brown) was trying to take my joy (away) — don't do this, don't do that. At the same time I had people in my corner saying, 'Don't ever change who you are. You got here by being who you are. By being Nate Robinson,'" he said.

Forward Channing Frye showed considerable promise as he averaged 12.3 points and 5.7 rebounds under Brown last season. But the former University of Arizona star told the New York Daily News that the season was a "giant circus" and that Thomas, as the new head coach, has provided "positive reinforcement."

It sounds as if forward David Lee tried to go with the flow. But here's the problem: There was no such thing.

"Toward the end of the season it was so up and down," Lee reportedly told The Post. "I told myself when I get on the floor just make the most of the opportunity because I didn't really understand what was going on.

And it appears that Lee did not try too hard to figure out Brown's unpredictable substitution patterns.

"I didn't ask too many questions," Lee said. "I couldn't figure out what was going on. It's a lot easier to play when you know what's expected out of you. I think things will change that way and people will have a better idea of what they're supposed to do."

Brown, when he was contacted for comment by The Post said, "I'm not getting into any of that. I'm just trying to move on with my life."

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Wow. That's classy. I don't know what I find more obnoxious, another idiot New York-based team screw up or another moronic NBA player. "Coach Brown is so old-school." Is that a bad thing? Teaching sound fundamentals over selfish showboating should be reinforced by the league, not condemned. "(Brown) was trying to take my joy (away)." Hey genius, maybe you should practice playing the game the right way, then you'd find your joy. Delight in teamwork. Make the unselfish play for the betterment of the team. Work on being a complete player, not just another one trick pony. Realize that you're being payed WAY TOO MUCH to play a GAME, and love it! Master these recommendations, and you'll get your "joy" back. Better yet, work on being a better man, and these things will come naturally. Don't be a pansy and run your mouth after the guy you're really AFRAID of is out of the picture. (Honestly, does it make you feel like a big man knowing you can shoot off your mouth and not be held responsible?) Learn to shut your mouth and receive good instruction. Work on being responsible, moron. Then, and only then, will you athlete-types get the attention and respect that you crave. Grow up already.

"Tumbleweeds in Aisle Five"

Today Jack and I had the wonderful privilege of going to the brand new Lowe's Home Improvement warehouse here in Jackson to purchase a new refrigerator. While the store itself is impeccable and the refrigerator selection was superb, the service was - well, shall we say - moribund. Mortified by the deathly stillness created by the cadaverous amount of customer service representatives nowhere nearby, Jack and I decided to try and breathe some new life into the graveyard I like to call "Appliances." Spotting a service request button located on the nearest support column, we "mashed" the button in the attempt to summon some help. A mere 20 minutes - and every type of annoying storewide service announcement later - a Lowe's service associate finally managed to make his way to help us out. From then on the trip went smoothly, except for the fact that they didn't have the model of refrigerator we wanted. But we finally managed to leave the store in just a hair short of an hour.

I'd just like to say thank you to the wonderful customer service that makes Lowe's of Jackson a great place to shop for all my home improvement needs.

Problems in New Jersey

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - As the state government shutdown threatened to close Atlantic City's casinos, Gov. Jon S. Corzine on Monday said New Jersey lawmakers must report to the Statehouse on July Fourth and stay there until they adopt a budget. Story

Things are getting pretty desperate for the state of New Jersey. Apparently the state's surplus of casino gambling, drug running, and prostituting aren't enough to correct its whopping $4.5 billion budget deficit. Residents loyal to the state and its Democrat governor have banded together and taken to the streets this 4th of July holiday season to try and boost the struggling economy. I managed to acquire the photograph you see here of one (former) New Jersey resident who is offering his expertise in HTML coding to help right the sinking ship.

If you have a creative idea or suggestion for the state of New Jersey that might help them get out of debt, post it here. I'm sure state officials will see your comments as we all know that high-profile lawmakers frequent this site on an almost daily basis.